Hello everyone, I have lots of things to say/ask.
I hope someone had post something smiliar before. I don't wanna
get charge. I'm really scare.
I don't know what to say but hope I can make myself clearer to
you guys.
I'm now PES C9 L9 storeman trainee, I use to be a very happy
person who can makes around well and do jokes a lot and welcome
challenges . I had lots of interest in Fashion Design, I can cope
very well when working outside and my bosses likes me a lot. I used
to be in Cross Country and can run well but after I went to CMPB
for checkup and that's when I know I had Beta Thalassemia, a kind
of blood disorder. I was given PES C9 L2. Every friend of mine
thinks well of me and thinks that I will be very garang in NS
life.
The first day I got enlisted to Tekong and got into a C9
company. I was different from what I imagined was. Instead I was
very stress and depressed. So different that I am so vex / stress
till I cried and felt suicidal everyday single day. I can't adapt
to the enviroment, I don't even know what's stressing me so much.
After around the 3 bookout all my friends and girlfriend find that
I had changed. They told me you wasn't acting like you use to be a
happy and cheerful person. A person that everyone's likes to being
with and followed.
I love drawings and imagine a cloth that it will look awesome
when it attached to someone. I took out all of my drawing material
and found out that I can't think or imagine anymore. I flare up and
throw all my drawings and port folio away and that's when I felt
useless and worthless. Till 1 day my gf wanted me to become her
Fashion Adviser and change her style. I didn't do anything on that
day and was just saying everything is OK. She then told me she
notice I had changed and she told me " You are useless now, I don't
know what you are thinking anymore. "
I went through a 7 weeks BMT and that's when I start to be
paranoid. I became anti social, Everyday I come to camp, all I do
is just sit at 1 corner and smoke and smoke and wait for 5.30pm to
bookout. I will go to poly clinic to take MC and it's like almost
every week. After some times the Doctor doesn't wants to give me MC
anymore, Thats when I start to do stuff like trying to break my
leg. I've done it and I don't have enough strength to break it. I
posted on facebook and etc ....... that I will pay 500 bucks if
someone help to break my leg. Lots of reply but none wanted to help
me. I approached my friend and they didnt
want to help too.
I know I'm useless and everyone said it's just 2 years just
endure with it. No one understand me. I didnt mention that I was at
first a Driver Trainne. It's until when I went for the driving
course and it requires to stay in. I just can't stay in and that
makes me even more worse till one of my friend that I went to
driving course with drag me to see the MO. My friend who I know him
for about 2 weeks told me that I must be suffering from
depression.So I went in and I don't know what to tell the MO
and ended just saying i'm stress and I got refer to the SAF MMI.
And that's how I got OOC.
I was scare to tell psychiatrist what I wanted to say. I
don't trust them instead I just told them I'm stress and my family
issue. The psychiatrist told me I was suffering from depression and
got down PES to C9 L9. They gave me Lexapro and a kind of sleeping
pill to eat. I don't know whether should I trust them? Should I
tell them everything? My psychiatrist seems to be very scary person
or I'm just paranoid?
It's around 4 - 5 months ago, I would go back home and starting
screaming and throwing things. If someone is at home I would go
down to the nearby park and start screaming. It's until when my gf
and I started to quarrel and I heard someone telling me that I must
cut her. I couldn't control myself that I kick her in the stomach
and she vomit a small pool of blood. My Mom and Sis saw it and they
stopped me.
I always felt sucidal until last month I heard that someone
tells me that it's stupid. Now I don't know why I always feel or
wants someone to die with me. This 2 months I got into fight
outside for 2 times. I don't like the way they look at me. They
must be up to something. I got warded for 2 days because I said I
wanted to kill someone.
I'm tired, I will stop here.
Can I have some comments what should I do? And The psychiatrist
always ask me what can they help me. I really don't know whether
should I told them all this? I have so much to say but I can't say
it out and I guess they can't help me.
PHUI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cho tam po ping kao beh si mi lan jiao.......?!!
C9L9 somemore, still make noise......
WORSE THAN DIRT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
PHUI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
